DC to get its own quarter

Congressman Jose E. Serrano of New York inserted language into the spending bill to provide quarters for the District, Puerto Rico, Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands, American Samoa and the Northern Mariana Islands.

The local government will design the flip side of the quarter.

If it were up to me, I’d have Tai Shan yank one of the fingers of The Awakening hand while surrounded by cherry blossoms.

How would you design DC’s new quarter?

Filed under: daily intelligence

The father and mother of all bombs

Nicknamed the Father of all Bombs, Russia detonated the new thermobaric device said to be four times more powerful than America’s Massive Ordnance Air Blast, nicknamed the Mother Of All Bombs.

First off, WHO names these weapons? I picture a short, scrawny guy with dark greasy hair and bright eyes who sits in front of multiple monitors, secretly watching old episodes of Get Smart while christening new weapons in an excel spreadsheet.

Second, am I the only one who feels Russia is not the confidante our fearless leader hopes she is, but is instead that backstabbing wench who’s constantly trying to one up America?

Filed under: daily intelligence

Budget Buster

Today I dispensed friendly advice and provided clueless tourists with directions. For a slow weekend — especially in comparison with Labor Day — it was exceptionally entertaining.

The highlight of my day was a man who approached the information desk asking how to get back to Baltimore from DC. Apparently he and his family had checked into a hotel there and took the MARC train into DC to visit the sites.

Well, he was looking for a bus that would take them back.

A bus with a $2 fare.

The train was just too expensive. I was like “Huh?!”

What was this guy thinking? One gallon of gas in DC costs $2.80+ and he’s looking for a $2 bus to take him from DC to Baltimore — 35 miles away?!

Needless to say he was not pleased with his transportation alternatives.

Filed under: Around Town, daily intelligence, pure gold